"Teaching a puppy"
A short book by Almi:
1) Steal their bed the moment you enter the house - you're too cute, they won't make you move.
2) puppy eyes - you already got em' keep working it.
3) learn to potty outside - then stop using my bed as a giant puppy pad & save momma from cleaning the rug every hour.
4) don't destroy human stuff - you'll regret it + we have enough toys that need squeakers removed, work on them first.
5) when out on walks, eat as much garbage as you can.
6) remember spring is cherry season & summer is plum season. There's more than enough outside for easy pickings. Just don't get caught.
7) never say no to some delicious poop. sheep, rabbit, goat & horse is the one you want, highly recommend.
8) human poop is only for rolling not for eating.
9) don't ever touch my food, you've already done it once. No wonder you're in the cone of shame.
10) but don't be scared to play with me - we'll have a great time together.